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About Portland observer. (Portland, Or.) 1970-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 4, 1991)
> ♦ ♦ ^4» ► ** 4 • • • i ♦ « V è •< » •*« * fc • W • * * ♦ r 9 •-•»< 4 * ♦ » y • > « September 4,1991...The Portland Observer...Page 5 Can Men Really Change? BY ULYSSES TUDKER, JR. Many men in the United Slates arc starting to talk more about their feel ings, how society has traditionally viewed the man’s role, and how women blame them ior most problems associ ated w ith relationships/marriagcs. To say the least, some men are angry, confused, g uilty, unhappy, and lost emotionally. Most feminists feel that men arc violent, abusive, oppressive, and re sponsible for bad government, wars, and dysfunctional families. Men arc also accused o f hiding behind their egos and pride when it comes down to communicating openly w ith mates/ wives, and their children. Do men de serve such a terrible rap sheet? L e t’ s explore some o f the statis tics compiled against men: 730,000 women are raped and report it each day. That averages about 2,000 rapes per day and fo r each one o f these rapes reported, there arc 10-15 more not reported. In a survey conducted by the Rhode Island Rape C risis Center, 1700 6th to 9th grade students revealed some alarming and scary facts. A whopping 80 percent said that a man had the right to force women to have sex i f they were married. Seventy percent said that a man did not need the consent o f the woman to have sexual intercourse. Sixty- one percent o f the students said that it was okay to force her i f they had sex before. More than half believed that a man had a right to sex w ithout her consent i f (1) she led him on, (2) she got him sexually excited or (3) they’ d been dating a long time. About 30 percent o f the students aLso said it was okay to force the woman i f (1) she has had sex w ith other men, (2) he is so turned on he can’ t stop or, (3) she is drunk. Lastly, more than half the students thought that “ i f a woman dresses seductively and walks alone at night, she’ s asking to be raped...’ ’ Another twenty five percent believed that it was the c h ild ’ s fault if they were over 12, should they become a victim o f incest. Arc we looking at future victim s, rapist, and ch ild abusers o f America? Remember, these youngsters are only in middle school or freshmen in high school. Where are they developing such attitudes, unenlightened perspectives, values, and morals? Television? Their parents, peers, or society? Even more sad, most o f these students from these public and private schools surveyed believed that rapes/sexual assaults were committed by strangers. Statistics re veal that victim s know their offenders 80 percent o f the lime. Enought talk o f rape. There are other areas to be ad dressed and inform ation about men to be shared. According to a study conducted by N eil Bennett o f Yale, women who live w ith a man before marrying him have an 80 percent greater chance o f divorce than those who don’ t. Also, women who marry younger husbands have a greater chance o f getting d i vorced than those who marry men their own age or older. Divorce rales arc also higher in marriages in which the woman has a higher level o f education than the man, and in marriages m ixing different religions. Advice to women: A vo id liv in g w ith a man until mar riage and consider candidates with equal or more education. For the record, there arc some very successful relationships/marriagcs in the scenarios mentioned above, but statistically they do not succeed. Even in marriages that do survive, some women are psyehologically/physically abused, isolated socially, and many stay in these dysfunctional situations because they are unemployed, have children, and fear life on their own. Staying in an abusive relationship as opposed to a shelter or on the streets is the general attitude. Lack o f com m it ment is the number one reason for failed marriages (53 percent), far ahead o f other reasons such as im m aturity (32 percent), finances (17 percent'), and adultery (11 percent). Mendodg. a bullet in the comm itment area, sin. ply because Better Homes and Gar dens did not specify gender. Who would you blame? Strangely, the presence ot a son reduces the likelihood o f a d i vorce by 9 percent over the presence o f a daughter. Why? Overall, 50 percent ol marriages end in divorce, according to some figures, and out o f wedlock births continue to rise. Forty percent o f all (US Census Bureau) births in the U.S.A. fall into this statistical area. As one story suggested recently in a na tional publication, “ Men should have an expiration date on their head like a carton o f m ilk , so that women can be aware o f the date they go sour...” Is the situation that bad? Should more stats be compiled to trash men? This article is not meant to beat up men or to cast them into a negative light; the intent is to show that i t ’ s very easy to ju s tify an opinion w ith statis tics and research. The same argument could be compiled against women, who can be just as guilty in some cases. S till, the question remains - can men change? Can they be more sensitive? Share their feelings? Share power and responsibility w ith women? Can they slop llie sex crimes and assaults against women? W ill the court system give sentences that send stronger messages to those com m iting sex crimes against women? W ill wc ever live in a society that pays women and other minorities equal to white males? Can men be sexually responsible? Yes, men are to blame fo r most e vil, pain, discrim ina tion and violence in our society. When docs the “ Hagar The V i king A ttitud e ” become a thing o f the past? Men have been socialized or raised w ith the mindset o f exercising power and control, but the w orld has out-grown those values. It is now time fo r change and a new respect that does not abuse/hurt others. It is time for men to respect fam ily, women, and grow in a upward manner spiritually and em otionally. It is time for man to allow his woman to stand by his side, not in the darkness for behind him. The question now becomes w ill they change as oppose to can they change? Men can only search them selves for enlightenment, answers, and for the peace that ego and false pride suppressed or altered. G rowth and change is painful and men need to know that women are on their side. Can they change? “ Men have to change,” said M ack Parks, resident psychologist/bartender at the Texas II in Northeast Portland. “ 1 did. Men need to step up and account for their actions. I t ’ s the only way for him and society to grow or make progress. No longer can men blame women or make excuses for their shortcomings. Posi tive change can only help future gen erations to move forward. A t some point, the cycle or fold attitudes needs to be eliminated. I f not, kids w ill carry the values or attitudes that could be bad into adulthood. Men must do it.” Ending Gang Violence IB EYE STEAKS In August, Portland got a violent reminder o f its gang problems w ith two deaths in one day: Fourteen-month-old Howard H ill shot in a house used by Crips gang members and John Edwards Fratcr, a 21-year-old Bloods member killed by a drive-by gang shooting. Fifteen people have been kille d since 1989 in gang-related incidents, and last year 206 o f the 2,500 gang calls police responded to involved shootings. What s being done to stop the violence? What should be done to gel our kids out o f gangs? Other T V programs have looked at who joins gangs and why. Many ar ticles have been w ritten about the roots o f gang violence and what i t ’ s doing to our communities. On this program TO W N H A L L w ill concentrate on so lutions. W e’ ll spend an entire hour discussing ways to solve this complex and frightening problem. We hope to come up w ith some creative new ap proaches and help you discover how you can h e lp -n o matter where you HILLS BROS. COFFEE REGULAR • DRIP • PERFECT BALANCE SAVE $1.50 N ATU R ALLY D E C A F F E IN A T E D COFFEE live. What programs exist to keep kids away from gangs? Are they working? What are the police doing to solve the problem? The schools? What should parents be doing? What do ex-gang members and gang experts think w ill be the key to solving the gang problem? What do YO U think? Join Jack Faust for this discussion on Sunday, Septem ber 15,19091 from 6:00-7:00 p.m. For seat reservations, please call Frank Mungeam, Alison Highberger or Liza McQuade at 231-4620. Guest should COFFEE FILTERS M R . COFFEE SC69 26 oz. CAN N O N -D A IR Y CREAMER FLUTED plan to arrive at the K A T U studios (21 st & N .E. Sandy B lvd.) between 5:00-5:15 p.m. The public is welcome, but reservations are required. „ Volunteer Clean-Up Day Planned That’ s the message o f sponsors o f thAe first annual SPLASH D A Y , Sat urday, S eptember 7 th , a volunteer river shoreline clean-up day. Splash Day is planned for 9:00 to 1:00 p.m. For more inform ation, call R IV E R W A T C H at (503) 295-049. Sponsors o f our Splash Day event include C ellular One, M et ro p o lita n D isposal C o rp o ra tio n , Multnomah County Parks. « S I..I THE F R lF U n IFST STORES ¿N TOWN SINCE 1906 THf RIGHT TO LIMIT QUANTITIES SPECIALS EFFECTIVE SEPTEMBER 3 Ihiough B, 1931 MEMBER OF UNITED GROCERS D ad ’ s O il S ervice heating oils B est C a sh P ric e s 104 NE Russel St. Portland, Or 97212 (503) 282 5111 Speedy Service Friendly Call for Quote! 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